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РегистрацияThe Sketches from my life
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My mind is totally messed up. I'm fighting ghosts. I don't actually need stand up for myself agressively but I do. I don't need to suffer but I do. The suffering is within me. I'm in fucking pain. Help.
Запись есть, но её нет.
Я почему-то забываю факт, что ебливый как конь, но при этом хочу ебстись и БДСМить только со своей женщиной.
Oh well. I guess my feeling of insecurity goes from we are only two months together. We are doing things but actually haven't learned each other well. Also I'm afraid of not being able to control other person's behavior. Well hello codependent issue. I've learned how not to be codependent on my own and how to live alone but haven't learned eniugh how to live with someone. I easily set boundaries with my coleagues. I can even say:"Know what? I don't wanna clean the lab this time, so you do it by yourself ok?" I still have kinda problems to this with my significant other. This insecurity I am experiencing right now is all about me. Maybe was about her not showing respect to her bestie and I was like:" Oh I may be treated in such disrespectful manner too". I don't need any other women present in bed with me. I don't even need to flirt with someone. It shows me how I do respect myself, my significant other and our relationshps. It shows me how I am satisfied with only one person. I don't even go to webcam girls anymore. There was an occasion I've noticed it and pushed myself on webcam website. And I was kinda amazed when I found myself bored looking at other girls. I have nothing missing in my relationshps I could take from webcam girls. We even have started to practice humilating things. I don't need any one else.
I feel very insecure. Pretty. Fucking. Insecure. I don't know actually know the reason but oh well I do. I get encouragment and care but I feel fear. I am still on my recovery. I have to build my own life. I'm kinda slipping off. I still need to ask myself what do I want and what do I need.
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