Персональная страница пользователя Dariahn

Быть магнитом для извращенцев стало привычнно, а потом я поняла, что постепенно стала одним из них.

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I enjoy being chased after, in the literal sense, with adrenaline pumping in my veins. I like being squeezed and touched against my will, being pinned to surfaces, being played with. I like being disciplined, beind rude and fight against my master, and being punished for misbehaving. I want to cry after the discipline and be comforted with care afterwards.
I struggle with dominance, and tend to control my partners in vanilla world, picking the weaker ones I can lord over and order around. I adore having people submitting to me and depend on me mentally to the point of obsession.
I've always been frightened of being stripped of control again. I get this bodily reaction to people that threaten my in-control status, I feel my hackles rising, ready for an attack.
Then I think, and I brood. Maybe I should let it go? Maybe I should try relinquishing the upper postition? Not just as pretend play, but actually admitting that in my heart of hearts?
What happened in my childhood has shaped me as such, a constant power struggle.
I wonder if there is someone experienced that could let me out of that struggle, even if for a short while.
I don't feel fulfilled in a normal relationship. I don't feel fulfilled at all. I crave something more twisted, cathartic. I feel like I'd get some of my control back, if I give it up sincerely, and receive my punishment.
Do I still carry the guilt from being molested? Maybe.
I wish to relive the experience and see how I feel again.

Haha, that was pretty chaotic.
Thank you for reading, whomever you are.
I hope your wishes are satisfied, and your cravings are met.

Well met.